Connecting the Dots

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Dickens Dream by R. W. Buss

Dickens’ Dream by R. W. Buss

I first encountered the concept of reincarnation during The Winter of My Discontent in rural Nova Scotia. With snow piled up past the window sills, I sat home alone by the wood stove trying to stay warm while my husband went off to work each day. I read every single one of my little leather-bound Charles Dickens books that winter. And as the days crawled by, I experienced a sort of existential crisis that went something like this: I’m not doing anything; I don’t want to do anything; therefore, I must not exist. Maybe it was the solitude, maybe it was my choice of literature, or maybe it was time for me to look more deeply into the crevices of my life.

Then as if in answer to an unsaid prayer, a friend appeared with a book on reincarnation. All I remember about that book is the blue cover and the author’s first name. But it touched me deeply, and I felt a knowing – a certainty that what I was reading was true. I had been intrigued by the paranormal all my life, but I hadn’t bumped into reincarnation until now. I didn’t know then what it was that made me feel better, but my spirits lifted enough to get me up out of my chair.

Since that winter, I’ve looked at the world through different eyes. I find it easier to understand relationships and seemingly random occurrences, misfortunes and illnesses. And I’ve come to understand just recently that spending that winter in Dickens’ London brought me back to that very traumatic lifetime with the man who was my father in this one. What I hadn’t been able to fathom though is why I, as Spirit, would choose to experience such pain and suffering. Another chat with Source would give me the answer.

Trauma Revisited

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Wallflower ©2001 Lora Shelley

Wallflower ©2001 Lora Shelley

When I was a child, I knew how to make myself invisible. I didn’t do it consciously, but I was aware that much of the time people couldn’t see me. Since then, I’ve learned that it’s possible to modify the energy fields (auras) around us by practicing a type of shapeshifting. And I’ve also come to realize that I developed this ability to hide from my father.

Twenty-two years ago, I took a one-night class on ‘channel writing’ at the Learning Annex. I was experiencing chronic writer’s block and this class was designed to help people unleash their creativity. After the class, I set up an appointment for a reading with the instructor, Dr. Loretta Ferrier, to get more information about my stuck condition and to get insight about some health issues.

Loretta zeroed in on the blockage right away. “You have accumulated a mass of energy as a result of refusing to follow your intuition. When you were a child, there was no space for you to do this. You held yourself back and you began to deform.” After telling her that I had a terrible fear of my father from early childhood, she went into trance.

“This fear, this hatred you have experienced in this lifetime comes from another lifetime you shared with your father in early England. He was a well-known spiritual leader – strong, powerful and rigid. At home he abused you, your sister and your brother – it was a living nightmare. The damage he did was so enormous that his sensitive qualities were withheld from him in this lifetime and they won’t be returned to him until he can handle them responsibly. Thus, in this lifetime with you, he was not able to feel any emotion. His job was to seek your forgiveness and make your life more pleasant. He learned some of these lessons but not all, so you will meet up with him again.”

None of this came as a big surprise. I had imagined something like this was behind my strong negative feelings and my father’s strange behavior. He never touched me in this lifetime, and now I understood that he’d been afraid to connect with me emotionally in any way. This answered my questions about my health problems, too, and now I understood why I had made myself invisible as a child and why meditating has been such a challenge.

ForgivenessSo what does this have to do with my upcoming pilgrimage? Apparently quite a lot. I thought I’d forgiven my father years ago, but from feelings of sadness that have come up in relation to him lately, it seems that I still have work to do. He’s also popped up in every psychic reading I’ve had since I began this quest, and he’s even managed to make his way into my dreams. And I’ve drawn FORGIVENESS over and over from Colette Baron-Reid’s Wisdom Cards:

Drawing this marker says that you must now search your heart for any unresolved resentment, anger, or disagreements between you and another. If you’re still hurt or angry about another’s behavior, or if there are circumstances in your life that you resent, this is a time when it’s crucial to release the negative energy surrounding those situations. Resisting this will only impede your growth and draw more unwanted experiences to you.

Well, I certainly don’t want that – especially not in Delphi. Now I all I have to do is find a way to finally and totally forgive.

 

Chipmunks and Cow Pies

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The chipmunks are driving me crazy. They won’t let me sleep and when I sit down to write, there’s so much chatter I can’t think straight. Each and every one of the furry little beasts is jumping up and down in a fit of frenzy trying to get my attention. These aren’t real chipmunks, mind you, and they’re not spirit guides either. They are, instead, physical manifestations of my overactive mind. Let me explain.

For several weeks, I’ve been going to The Aesclepion Healing Center in San Rafael for a ‘healing hands’ class. Before getting to the chipmunks, though, let me point out that Aesclepius, the Greek god of medicine and healing, was the son of Apollo. And it was Apollo that the Oracles at Delphi channeled in their trances. Yet another Greek connection!

In the first healing hands class, we were introduced to the basic principals of meditation. I’ve been avoiding meditation all my life. It’s not that I hadn’t tried, but every time I  sat down and attempted to relax and empty my mind, my body rebelled and I’d be up and moving within five minutes. So I was interested to see if I was ready to quiet my mind and find a way to access a higher state of consciousness.

We learned to set grounding cords to anchor us to the earth, to make our thoughts vanish by putting them in a rose and blowing it up, and to bring in the energy of the sun by imagining golden light coming in through our crown chakras. So far so good. If given a task of imagining something, I could keep my thoughts at bay. Maybe I could do this after all.

Before each class, the students at the Center gather to give and to receive healings and energy checks. After three classes, I had my energy checked by a perky blonde who looks like Julia Duffy in the ’80’s series ‘Newhart’. First she saw the color green around me. Every time I have a reading, I’m surrounded by green and I have yet to find out what this means. Then she said that she saw cow pies on top of my head (I don’t know what this means either), and a bunch of chipmunks scurrying around inside my head. According to ‘Julia’, the chipmunks are uninvited spirit guides, and they’re not happy because I’m not paying as much attention to them as I did in the past.

And she saw my father who’s been dead for over 20 years. He, too, was trying to get my attention, waving his arms saying, “I can help. Let me help.” At the time I understood this to mean that he wanted to help me with my healing hands class. Later I realized that his intention was to inform me that I could call upon him to help heal from the trauma of our past lives together.

So, I have a lot of work to do. I need to get the chipmunks under control, and I have to find a way to forgive my father. I would guess that those past lifetimes with him are the very reason I’ve been avoiding meditation in the first place.

 

The Source Weighs In

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Yesterday morning when I consulted my animal oracle cards, I drew CARDINAL. According to the author of the cards Dr. Steven Farmer, cardinal represents an imbalance between spiritual pursuits and the world of the senses. This was the third time this card had shown up in two weeks. Clearly I wasn’t ‘getting’ the message. Have I been putting too much pressure on myself getting ready to confront the Oracle? Should I just relax and spend more time enjoying ‘earthly pleasures’?  I decided to put my questions to the Source.

C: Dear Spirit, PLEASE advise. What should I focus on right now to prepare for my journey?

S: REST. You have been told over and over to rest. Your tendency is to overdo, overachieve to the point of exhausting yourself. You can’t help others if your energy is weak.

C: What can I do right now to restore my energy?

S: Meditate. Find the method that works best for you. I suggest something that involves nature. Imagine yourself in beautiful outdoor environment with trees, flowers and animals – all the things you love. Feel the peace in that sacred place. Let it saturate every cell in your being knowing that the energy from that special place will restore you and keep you strong.

C: How about animal spirit guides? I’ve felt connected to so many animals, but lately I’ve been paying special attention to ravens and butterflies, and at one time I felt a special connection to the buffalo. Is it helpful for me to look for strength from the animal kingdom?

S: All of these animals are indeed good for you. Please continue to watch for them and listen for their messages. But right now, you need to pay attention to the tree spirits. You have been seeing and feeling them for some time now, and you must recognize their power and let it flow into your being. Connecting with tree spirits can give you great strength. This is what you need at this time.

live oakTrees . . . I had been noticing them more lately. Driving through Larkspur recently, a giant live oak with arms reaching every which way caught my eye, and I made a special point to stop and spend time touching its bark and admiring it’s beauty. And I had encountered another huge oak tree in Sonoma not long ago, this one even bigger than the one in Larkspur. Thought to have been around when the first English settlers arrived in North America in 1607, this tree is currently home to numerous birds including woodpeckers, jays, owls and hawks and at least two active bee hives. An awesome entity indeed.

And then I remembered the very first time I witnessed a tree being cut down. I was five or six years old and the tree was a beautiful white-barked birch, so tall that I could hardly see its top branches. Hearing the roar of a chain saw, I looked up and saw the tree slowly begin to fall to the ground. I didn’t understand why this was happening. I couldn’t imagine that there might be a good reason for removing that tree – to my young soul, this felt like murder. I’ve thought about that tree many times since then. Maybe I’ve been connected to tree spirits all this time without realizing it.

Okay, I’m getting the picture: rest, meditate, connect with nature – especially trees, dance, drum, and forgive. I haven’t mentioned that last one yet, have I? It’s another one of those things that’s been coming up repeatedly in different guises. Forgiveness can be hard and it can be scary, but it’s really, really important. I will share that boogyman with you soon – I promise.

 

Waiting

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Before I encountered The Pythia, I had been feeling that something was coming, but I didn’t know what it was nor how to find it. In the past, changes in my life had just ‘shown up’. But this felt different and it was taking a very long time. So I began looking for new sources of inspiration. When I found shamanistic practitioner Dr. Steven Farmer on Hay House’s website and learned that he was scheduled to speak in nearby Mountain View, I decided to go.
I’ve been passionate about animals all my life, but I’d never focused on them as spirit guides. If pressed, I would have said that my totem animal was either BUFFALO or RAVEN. A few years back, I was driving along a country road in Washington, and I saw a herd of buffalo. I felt compelled to stop the car and get out for a closer look. I walked up a long driveway to meet them, and they walked over and stared at me as I looked into their eyes. Standing there, the scene from Dances with Wolves where the buffalo are being slaughtered flashed before me, and I felt an overwhelming sadness. Remembering how I had run from the theatre sobbing, I wanted to promise them that nothing like that would ever happen again.
And then there were the ravens. On a trip to the Marin Headlands at the beginning of the year, a raven landed on a post very near me and started gobbling like a turkey. I wanted to photograph him, so I inched closer and closer. Instead of flying off, he just kept gobbling. I didn’t think too much about his vocalizations – I knew there were poultry farms not far off, and having once had a pet crow, I knew that these birds have the ability to mimic a wide range of sounds. But it was unusual.
So, I was excited to hear what Farmer had to say about animals as spirit guides. After talking about his experiences, he chose three people from the audience for readings and I was one of them. Given the choice of voicing a question or just receiving a general reading, I asked about my current confused state.
He invited me to select two cards from his deck of Spirit Guide Oracle Cards. I drew GROUSE and CHIMPANZEE. From these cards, Farmer explained that it would be good for me to engage in dancing and drumming to get my energy moving and to reconnect with the rhythm of life. And as I looked into the depths of his blue eyes, he said, “And I’m getting the word fallow.” He sounded confused, like he didn’t know the meaning of the word. When I prompted him by mentioning soil lying idle for a season, he told me that I needed to rest. I was trying too hard. The journey ahead could not be forced; it would emerge when I was ready.
Since then, I’ve consulted the Spirit Guide Oracle Cards daily, and similar messages to wait and to rest have appeared again and again. And today, during my writing session with Source, I encountered the same advice. More on that tomorrow.Before I encountered The Pythia, I had been feeling that something was coming, but I didn’t know what it was nor how to find it. In the past, changes in my life had just ‘shown up’. But this felt different and it was taking a very long time. So I began looking for new sources of inspiration. When I found shamanistic practitioner Dr. Steven Farmer on Hay House’s website and learned that he was scheduled to speak in nearby Mountain View, I decided to go.

Before I encountered The Pythia, I had been feeling that something was coming, but I didn’t know what it was nor how to find it. In the past, changes in my life had just ‘shown up’. But this felt different and it was taking a very long time. So I began looking for new sources of inspiration. When I found shamanistic practitioner Dr. Steven Farmer on Hay House’s website and learned that he was scheduled to speak in nearby Mountain View, I decided to go.

I’ve been passionate about animals all my life, but I’d never focused on them as spirit guides. If pressed, I would have said that my totem animal was either BUFFALO or RAVEN because of experiences I’ve had with these animals.

© 2009 Charlene Nevill

© 2009 Charlene Nevill

A few years back, driving along a country road in Washington, I spotted  a herd of buffalo. I felt compelled to stop and get out of the car for a closer look. I walked up a long driveway to meet them, and they walked slowly up to the fence to meet me. As I looked into their eyes, the scene from Dances with Wolves where the buffalo are being slaughtered flashed before me, and I felt an overwhelming sadness. Remembering how I had run from the theatre sobbing, I wanted to promise them that nothing like that would ever happen again.

Raven © 2009 Charlene Nevill

Raven © 2009 Charlene Nevill

And then there was the raven. On a recent trip to the Marin Headlands, a raven landed on a post very near me and started gobbling like a turkey. I wanted to photograph him, so I inched closer and closer. Instead of flying off, he just kept gobbling. I didn’t think too much about his vocalizations at the time – I knew there were poultry farms not far off, and having once had a pet crow, I knew these birds have the ability to mimic a wide range of sounds. But it was unusual.

So, I was excited to hear what Dr. Farmer had to say about animals as spirit guides. After talking about his experiences as a former psychotherapist and sharing stories about his travels with shamans and his encounters with animals, he chose three people from the audience for readings and I was one of them. Given the choice of voicing a question or receiving a general reading, I asked about my current confused state. He invited me to select two cards from his deck of Spirit Guide Oracle Cards. I drew GROUSE and CHIMPANZEE. From these cards, Farmer explained that it would be good for me to engage in dancing and drumming to get my energy moving and to reconnect with the rhythm of life. And as I looked into the depths of his blue eyes, he said, “I’m getting the word fallow.” He sounded confused, like he didn’t know the meaning of the word. When I prompted him by mentioning soil lying idle, he told me that I needed to rest. I was trying too hard. The journey ahead could not be forced; it would emerge when I was ready.

Since then, I’ve consulted Farmer’s Oracle Cards daily and similar messages have appeared again and again. And today, during my writing session with Source, I encountered the same advice. More on that tomorrow.