Category Archives: Totems

Courting the Unseen

Summer Newlings © Alexander Jansson

Summer Newlings © Alexander Jansson

“As humans we inhabit a very narrow range of reality. It is as though we walk this Earth with blinders on, never seeing the incredible depth and beauty of all the levels of reality that surround us.”Naisha Ahsian

Ever since a troop of fairies flew into my novel, I’ve been determined to see one. They’ve appeared in my dreams and I’ve experienced almost-sightings in my garden, but my quest has gone largely unfulfilled.

In his book, Power Animals, Dr. Stephen Farmer suggests that dragonflies are messengers from the elemental world. In a dream, a single dragonfly morphed into an entire flight of winged creatures and arranged themselves in a circle. As I watched this transformation, I sensed their energy and felt their longing to be recognized.

© 2011 Kunthera Hing

© 2011 Kunthera Hing

My dream led to a another encounter with a dragonfly, this time in my garden. As I was contemplating a new location for a lavender plant that had been languishing in the shade, a red dragonfly landed on a poppy seed head right in front of me. She sat motionless as I admired her four stubby wings, her bright red body and her big compound eyes. She darted to another seed head and back a few times before twirling up and away. I’d never seen a red dragonfly in my garden before, and while other species flitted through, I’d never seen one sit for more than a second. I took this as a sign that my longing to see fairies was being acknowledged.

Another day in the garden, I was puttering about when I noticed a fluttering of leaves in my butterfly bush. This would hardly seem worthy of attention, but there was no wind, not even the slightest breeze. As I walked over to investigate, something else caught my eye in the banana tree. Whatever is was, it moved. And I felt it watching me, peeking up over a banana leaf. Something, something was in that tree. But before I could move in to get a closer look, it withdrew and faded out of sight.

As I waited impatiently for a real sighting, I queried my friends and learned that several had actually seen these magical beings. Tom (not his real name) who lives in rural Nova Scotia sees 4- to 6-inch tall fire fairies cavorting at the edge of the flames when he burns brush in the fall. Fran (not her real name either) saw what she assumed was a fairy sitting on a stump at the edge of a hiking trail in New Hampshire. This entity was a foot high and all black: black wings, long black hair and black fur covering its little body. And my friend, Steve, saw two tiny beings floating above him as he reached for his bedside lamp one night. Holding hands, wings outstretched, they had munchkin faces lit with big smiles. They watched him intently for a moment or two and then vanished.

These accounts made me more determined than ever to see a fairy. When I read Meeting Fairies by Robert Ogilvie Crombie (ROC), I was encouraged. A scientist, writer, musician, mythologist, psychologist, historian, esotericist, and mentor to the Findhorn community in Scotland, ROC not only saw supernatural beings, but communicated with them.

One day as he sat resting on a bench in the Royal Botanical Garden in Edinburgh, he saw a three foot tall figure with pointed chin and ears and little horns on his forehead, shaggy legs and cloven hooves dancing around a tree about twenty yards away. Realizing the creature was a faun, ROC tried talking himself out of this sighting, but it was no use. The creature danced over, sat down, said, “Hallo”, and then asked ROC if he could see him. After ROC assured him that he could, the faun introduced himself as Kurmos and the two had an enlightening conversation. Kurmos explained that his job was to help the growth of the trees in the garden and told ROC that many nature spirits have all but given up on humans because they don’t believe they’re wanted.

A little over a month later while walking home at night, ROC encountered another faun, the great god Pan. He was only a little taller than ROC, but the next time he saw him, he appeared as a twenty-five foot tall figure with great horns on his forehead, cloven hooves and fine silky hair on his human legs. Through Pan, ROC was introduced to a myriad of nature spirits: elementals, nymphs, dryads, other fauns, eleves, gnomes and fairies. Some were but a fraction of an inch in height, others three or four feet tall.

fairyAccording to ROC, what we see when we encounter these supernatural beings is determined by our expectations that have been created by myths and legends. Although they have the ability to assume any form they choose, these entities are essentially light bodies or vortexes of energy. But to carry out their work with the plant world, they need etheric bodies and they adopt specific forms and characteristic behaviors to best accomplish their agendas.

After his conversations with Pan, ROC understood that Kurmos had appeared to prepare him for his meetings with him. And after determining that ROC believed in him and wasn’t afraid of him, Pan chose to impress ROC with his extraordinary size and power because he wanted to enlist him to foster a reconciliation between humans and nature.

So why haven’t I been able to see these beings? ROC understood that he wasn’t seeing Kurmos and Pan with his physical sight. And his communication with them occurred telepathically by means of thought transference. Maybe if I release my expectations and keep my heart, mind, eyes and ears open, just maybe I’ll see a fairy or something very much like it.

P.S. I don’t know if this counts, but a very large, not particularly attractive fairy has been sitting in a giant oak tree waiting patiently for me to start my next book.

In the Eyes of the Beholder

Hummingbird © Olechka

When we ask for help, the challenge is in recognizing the answer when it shows up and then knowing what to do with it.

I recently had a visual field test to explore the cause of a bizarre optical episode. Stationed in front of a humming machine in a darkened room, chin in cup, I’m instructed to focus on a bright pinpoint of light in the center of a black screen and to click a mouse-like apparatus every time I see a flash of light. The flashes appear to be random in size, placement and frequency. One has to concentate. A lot. At first it seems easy. A flash here, a flash there. Click, click, click. Then I begin to wonder if I’m really seeing the flashes of light, or if I’m just imagining them. I don’t want to miss any, but I don’t want to compromise the test with random clicks either. As I try to focus, my mind starts to wander: What am I making for dinner? What if there’s nothing wrong with my eyesight? Could I have a brain tumor? I hear the test administrator say, “You’re doing great. You’re halfway through–only 3 more minutes.” Three more minutes?! It feels like I’ve been sitting hunched over with my head in a vice for an hour. And there will be another six minutes to test my other eye. Believe me when I say that it was the longest 12 minutes of my life.

When the test was over at last, I started thinking about perception. And attention. Our experience of reality is determined by our beliefs. We see what we believe is real, what we believe is possible. And we need to pay attention to everything around us because the answer to our query may not show up in a way that we expect it.

Last month I was awarded 2nd place in the Hay House Vision Fiction Writing Contest and received  a self-publishing package from Balboa Press. But after thoroughly researching Author Solutions, Inc., the parent company of Balboa Press, I decided that I wanted to go the traditional route after all. So now I’m driving myself crazy researching the ups, downs, ins and outs of legacy publishing wondering if it’s possible to keep pace with all the mind-boggling changes in what was once considered a ‘gentleman’s industry’ and actually get my book published.

Yesterday I was standing at the bird bath having just flushed it out and filled it with fresh water pondering my future as an author. When I started my novel, a friend who teaches writing at Stanford told me that she would never have the stamina to write a novel. Stamina. That’s what I needed.

Lost in my reverie, I felt a rush of air against my face and heard a whir that sounded like the idling engine of a city bus. And there right in front of me, staring intently into my eyes was a hummingbird. I stood frozen, not wanting to frighten him, but then I remembered that nothing frightens these fierce little creatures. I told him to go ahead and take a bath, but he ignored my suggestion and continued hovering. After another moment or two, he zipped straight up into the sky and was gone.

I knew that Hummingbird is a harbinger of joy, but I wanted to consult Steven Farmer’s book, Power Animals, to see what the appearance of this guide meant for me at this moment.

“Know that the only true prison you have is your belief in your limitations. Let them go, and experience the abundance of love and opportunity that’s all around. It only takes a willingness to see it, taste it, and feel it.”

Thank you, Hummingbird! Now, it’s back to those queries.

 

The Source Weighs In

Yesterday morning when I consulted my animal oracle cards, I drew CARDINAL. According to the author of the cards Dr. Steven Farmer, cardinal represents an imbalance between spiritual pursuits and the world of the senses. This was the third time this card had shown up in two weeks. Clearly I wasn’t ‘getting’ the message. Have I been putting too much pressure on myself getting ready to confront the Oracle? Should I just relax and spend more time enjoying ‘earthly pleasures’?  I decided to put my questions to the Source.

C: Dear Spirit, PLEASE advise. What should I focus on right now to prepare for my journey?

S: REST. You have been told over and over to rest. Your tendency is to overdo, overachieve to the point of exhausting yourself. You can’t help others if your energy is weak.

C: What can I do right now to restore my energy?

S: Meditate. Find the method that works best for you. I suggest something that involves nature. Imagine yourself in beautiful outdoor environment with trees, flowers and animals – all the things you love. Feel the peace in that sacred place. Let it saturate every cell in your being knowing that the energy from that special place will restore you and keep you strong.

C: How about animal spirit guides? I’ve felt connected to so many animals, but lately I’ve been paying special attention to ravens and butterflies, and at one time I felt a special connection to the buffalo. Is it helpful for me to look for strength from the animal kingdom?

S: All of these animals are indeed good for you. Please continue to watch for them and listen for their messages. But right now, you need to pay attention to the tree spirits. You have been seeing and feeling them for some time now, and you must recognize their power and let it flow into your being. Connecting with tree spirits can give you great strength. This is what you need at this time.

live oakTrees . . . I had been noticing them more lately. Driving through Larkspur recently, a giant live oak with arms reaching every which way caught my eye, and I made a special point to stop and spend time touching its bark and admiring it’s beauty. And I had encountered another huge oak tree in Sonoma not long ago, this one even bigger than the one in Larkspur. Thought to have been around when the first English settlers arrived in North America in 1607, this tree is currently home to numerous birds including woodpeckers, jays, owls and hawks and at least two active bee hives. An awesome entity indeed.

And then I remembered the very first time I witnessed a tree being cut down. I was five or six years old and the tree was a beautiful white-barked birch, so tall that I could hardly see its top branches. Hearing the roar of a chain saw, I looked up and saw the tree slowly begin to fall to the ground. I didn’t understand why this was happening. I couldn’t imagine that there might be a good reason for removing that tree – to my young soul, this felt like murder. I’ve thought about that tree many times since then. Maybe I’ve been connected to tree spirits all this time without realizing it.

Okay, I’m getting the picture: rest, meditate, connect with nature – especially trees, dance, drum, and forgive. I haven’t mentioned that last one yet, have I? It’s another one of those things that’s been coming up repeatedly in different guises. Forgiveness can be hard and it can be scary, but it’s really, really important. I will share that boogyman with you soon – I promise.

 

Waiting

 

Before I encountered The Pythia, I had been feeling that something was coming, but I didn’t know what it was nor how to find it. In the past, changes in my life had just ‘shown up’. But this felt different and it was taking a very long time. So I began looking for new sources of inspiration. When I found shamanistic practitioner Dr. Steven Farmer on Hay House’s website and learned that he was scheduled to speak in nearby Mountain View, I decided to go.
I’ve been passionate about animals all my life, but I’d never focused on them as spirit guides. If pressed, I would have said that my totem animal was either BUFFALO or RAVEN. A few years back, I was driving along a country road in Washington, and I saw a herd of buffalo. I felt compelled to stop the car and get out for a closer look. I walked up a long driveway to meet them, and they walked over and stared at me as I looked into their eyes. Standing there, the scene from Dances with Wolves where the buffalo are being slaughtered flashed before me, and I felt an overwhelming sadness. Remembering how I had run from the theatre sobbing, I wanted to promise them that nothing like that would ever happen again.
And then there were the ravens. On a trip to the Marin Headlands at the beginning of the year, a raven landed on a post very near me and started gobbling like a turkey. I wanted to photograph him, so I inched closer and closer. Instead of flying off, he just kept gobbling. I didn’t think too much about his vocalizations – I knew there were poultry farms not far off, and having once had a pet crow, I knew that these birds have the ability to mimic a wide range of sounds. But it was unusual.
So, I was excited to hear what Farmer had to say about animals as spirit guides. After talking about his experiences, he chose three people from the audience for readings and I was one of them. Given the choice of voicing a question or just receiving a general reading, I asked about my current confused state.
He invited me to select two cards from his deck of Spirit Guide Oracle Cards. I drew GROUSE and CHIMPANZEE. From these cards, Farmer explained that it would be good for me to engage in dancing and drumming to get my energy moving and to reconnect with the rhythm of life. And as I looked into the depths of his blue eyes, he said, “And I’m getting the word fallow.” He sounded confused, like he didn’t know the meaning of the word. When I prompted him by mentioning soil lying idle for a season, he told me that I needed to rest. I was trying too hard. The journey ahead could not be forced; it would emerge when I was ready.
Since then, I’ve consulted the Spirit Guide Oracle Cards daily, and similar messages to wait and to rest have appeared again and again. And today, during my writing session with Source, I encountered the same advice. More on that tomorrow.Before I encountered The Pythia, I had been feeling that something was coming, but I didn’t know what it was nor how to find it. In the past, changes in my life had just ‘shown up’. But this felt different and it was taking a very long time. So I began looking for new sources of inspiration. When I found shamanistic practitioner Dr. Steven Farmer on Hay House’s website and learned that he was scheduled to speak in nearby Mountain View, I decided to go.

Before I encountered The Pythia, I had been feeling that something was coming, but I didn’t know what it was nor how to find it. In the past, changes in my life had just ‘shown up’. But this felt different and it was taking a very long time. So I began looking for new sources of inspiration. When I found shamanistic practitioner Dr. Steven Farmer on Hay House’s website and learned that he was scheduled to speak in nearby Mountain View, I decided to go.

I’ve been passionate about animals all my life, but I’d never focused on them as spirit guides. If pressed, I would have said that my totem animal was either BUFFALO or RAVEN because of experiences I’ve had with these animals.

© 2009 Charlene Nevill

© 2009 Charlene Nevill

A few years back, driving along a country road in Washington, I spotted  a herd of buffalo. I felt compelled to stop and get out of the car for a closer look. I walked up a long driveway to meet them, and they walked slowly up to the fence to meet me. As I looked into their eyes, the scene from Dances with Wolves where the buffalo are being slaughtered flashed before me, and I felt an overwhelming sadness. Remembering how I had run from the theatre sobbing, I wanted to promise them that nothing like that would ever happen again.

Raven © 2009 Charlene Nevill

Raven © 2009 Charlene Nevill

And then there was the raven. On a recent trip to the Marin Headlands, a raven landed on a post very near me and started gobbling like a turkey. I wanted to photograph him, so I inched closer and closer. Instead of flying off, he just kept gobbling. I didn’t think too much about his vocalizations at the time – I knew there were poultry farms not far off, and having once had a pet crow, I knew these birds have the ability to mimic a wide range of sounds. But it was unusual.

So, I was excited to hear what Dr. Farmer had to say about animals as spirit guides. After talking about his experiences as a former psychotherapist and sharing stories about his travels with shamans and his encounters with animals, he chose three people from the audience for readings and I was one of them. Given the choice of voicing a question or receiving a general reading, I asked about my current confused state. He invited me to select two cards from his deck of Spirit Guide Oracle Cards. I drew GROUSE and CHIMPANZEE. From these cards, Farmer explained that it would be good for me to engage in dancing and drumming to get my energy moving and to reconnect with the rhythm of life. And as I looked into the depths of his blue eyes, he said, “I’m getting the word fallow.” He sounded confused, like he didn’t know the meaning of the word. When I prompted him by mentioning soil lying idle, he told me that I needed to rest. I was trying too hard. The journey ahead could not be forced; it would emerge when I was ready.

Since then, I’ve consulted Farmer’s Oracle Cards daily and similar messages have appeared again and again. And today, during my writing session with Source, I encountered the same advice. More on that tomorrow.

 

The Journey Begins

I’ve felt a blog coming on for a very long time. I’ve managed to avoid it until now, but at last I feel I have something I want to share.

Let me start by telling you about the Blessing Moon. In Scott Blum’s book, Waiting for Autumn, a homeless man named Richard introduces him to a ritual that involves breathing in the energy of the moon. Our agrarian ancestors called the full moon in July the Blessing Moon because it’s the time of year when the earth begins to yield her bounty. According to Blum’s homeless friend, the Blessing Moon is the perfect time to begin a spiritual journey.

And so it was that I found this story on the very day of the full moon in July. I was entranced with the idea of breathing in the moon and I wanted to experience this ritual myself, perhaps because my own ancestors farmed land in Minnesota and in Norway. That night when the moon began to show itself, I positioned myself on my back porch and watched as it rose slowly over the treetops. When it was in full view, I raised both hands up on either side of my head, palms open, facing the moon just as Richard described to Scott. Then I lifted my head back and squinting at the moon, I breathed in the cold, crisp air.

I wish I could tell you that I experienced instant enlightenment, but of course, it doesn’t happen that way for most of us. I did feel slightly invigorated, though, and I vowed to revisit this practice each month. Since then, I’ve begun a meditation practice, I started a course in hands-on healing, I’ve begun working with my animal spirit guides, I’ve started writing down my soul, and I’ve booked a pilgrimage to Delphi. I have much to tell you about all of these things and more. And I have to tell you that at times I’m terrified! But that’s a good thing, right? As Duane Garrison Elliott, my former boss at Tiffany & Co. used to say,  “Do what terrifies you most––everything else is boring.”

So please join me on my journey. And as we go along, I hope you’ll share your stories with me.